Obligatory Back Story Post

So I apologize for this, but I can't help but think about this whenever anyone tells me their life story. Sue me.

We interrupt this blog to bring you Natalie!

Abandoned as a pup, she was found by Muriel and her husband Eustace Bagge!

(BAAAAAH)

90s Cartoons aside (Oh, how I love them) Here's a bit of background about me.

So, before February of this year (at the crisp young age of 18) I had no idea who I was and didn't have any idea of what the terms Transgender, lgbt, pansexual, or really anything queer related meant. Gay people were people you saw on tv who really liked musicals. Trans* folk were a mockery one might have seen on Jerry Springer in the 90s.

I was a stereotypical (mostly) heterosexual dude,who sometimes, for inexplicable reasons wished he was a girl, liked to dress up in girls clothes, and sometimes found other dudes ridiculously attractive.

(Source)

(I mean, DAMN, who can not be attracted to this?)

This was sort of strange (In a rainbows and glitter sort of way), so I went off to military college where I could quietly repress my feelings in peace.

(And yes this is me, unfortunately)

As it turns out that doesn't work out as well as one might think.

Fast forward a few months of rigorous training, and in general, hating life.

I was on Reddit one night after lights out (If you don't know what Reddit is, and value your free time, I suggest not googling it, or if you do know about reddit then I'll assume you know when the narwhal bacons.), when I saw Ohbear's Transition timeline.

(How did you get to be so damn hot? I mean, hormones are magic, but daaaamn girl.)

Cue "Holy shit what am I doing with my life" moment.

Everything sort of clicked. It was that moment in the movie where you finally know for certain who dun it, and it was the person you least expected. Suddenly my life made a hell of a lot more sense.

And so I subsequently did a bunch of research, left the military school, transferred to a college near where I'm from and started transitioning. 

Hurray for me:

A. Recognizing absolutely awful life-changing bad ideas like joining the army, 

and

B. Recognizing really good ideas like, oh I dunno, realizing who the hell I am.

So yeah. There's a bit of exposition, so you know me a bit better. 

One Week on HRT

So I've been on HRT for one week today.

Prior to HRT I was on just testosterone blockers for a little under 3 months.

Spiro calmed me down, made my mind race less and made me feel a bit better. I was still living with daily dysphoria, but things were better.

Being on estrogen is all of that and more. It's almost indescribable. It might just be that the novelty is still there, but I've got a bounce to my step. I feel more like "ME" in a way that isn't really conveyable by words. I smile more, and there's a measurable decrease in the amount of dysphoria I feel. I feel more empathetic. Color seems brighter,  and I notice it more. I smile more.

Life is just better. 

It almost feels a bit like I've watching TV in black and white and then BAM.  Estrogen turns on the color. And then makes everything high definition.  

Again though this might not be due just to the hormones themselves; me knowing that I'm finally transitioning medically is bound to have positive psychological effects, so your mileage may vary.

But damn does it feel nice!

I've read a lot that says for most MtF spectrum trans* people being on hormones makes the lows lower and the highs higher. I've only felt the latter though. Luckily I'm not really going through ridiculous mood swings right now, which ordinarily are made even more extreme by taking progesterone, which I'm on. I'm sure they're on their way though. For the most part it's just been good vibes all the way down.

As far as physical changes go ( and bear in mind that this is also the result of 3 months on spiro, but full HRT does seem to have accelerated everything), my skin on my face feels a bit softer, the little mosquito bites on my chest are sore as hell, and poke through thin t-shirts, which is about normal for early stages of breast growth. Body and facial hair, has thinned out quite a bit, and grows quite a bit slower.

I'm also still losing quite a bit of muscle and currently weigh about 150lb-155lb at 5'10", and the vast majority of what was lost was muscle. I'm hoping to keep on losing weight and get down to 140ish, which is typically about a healthy body weight for cis-gendered females at my height.  From what I've heard is incredibly difficult to lose weight while on HRT, but well see. With the exception of the whole male-bodied thing I'm pretty good at making my body do what I want, and have put on muscle, lost muscle, put on weight and lost weight before. 

Also it might be psychosomatic but I feel like my face looks a bit "softer"? I'm not sure how to describe it.

Anyway

Here is a quick webcam photo I took. 

I think that it will probably be very interesting to see this photo in a year or two, if other internet transition timelines are anything to go by.

More updates later

HRT

So the endo appointment worked out. I am officially on female hormones. I’m think I’m still in shock, even now, almost 8 hours since I actually got the little bottles of progesterone, and estradiol my hands. I really can’t describe how relieving it was to hear from the endocrinologist “Well we’re going to go ahead and start you on hormones”.

Fucking Floored.

I got in the car and started to tear up. I’ve felt like this was something that I’d aspire to, but never actually reach. Shit’s crazy. Now I’ve got magic in three little perscription bottles. I started HRT at 11/22/2011, 5:30 pm. The first day of the rest of my life.

(Originally posted on my Tumblr on 11/22/2011)

Pre-Endo Jitters

Endo appointment today for maybe starting HRT.

Ridiculously nervous

I have to drive an hour an a half to get there. But then I get to hang out with a lovely girl until I pick up my sister who I haven’t seen in half a year. So here’s to having a good day.
Please just let this appointment work out


(Originally Posted on my Tumblr 11/22/2011)