So I've been on HRT for one week today.
Prior to HRT I was on just testosterone blockers for a little under 3 months.
Spiro calmed me down, made my mind race less and made me feel a bit better. I was still living with daily dysphoria, but things were better.
Being on estrogen is all of that and more. It's almost indescribable. It might just be that the novelty is still there, but I've got a bounce to my step. I feel more like "ME" in a way that isn't really conveyable by words. I smile more, and there's a measurable decrease in the amount of dysphoria I feel. I feel more empathetic. Color seems brighter, and I notice it more. I smile more.
Life is just better.
It almost feels a bit like I've watching TV in black and white and then BAM. Estrogen turns on the color. And then makes everything high definition.
Again though this might not be due just to the hormones themselves; me knowing that I'm finally transitioning medically is bound to have positive psychological effects, so your mileage may vary.
But damn does it feel nice!
I've read a lot that says for most MtF spectrum trans* people being on hormones makes the lows lower and the highs higher. I've only felt the latter though. Luckily I'm not really going through ridiculous mood swings right now, which ordinarily are made even more extreme by taking progesterone, which I'm on. I'm sure they're on their way though. For the most part it's just been good vibes all the way down.
As far as physical changes go ( and bear in mind that this is also the result of 3 months on spiro, but full HRT does seem to have accelerated everything), my skin on my face feels a bit softer, the little mosquito bites on my chest are sore as hell, and poke through thin t-shirts, which is about normal for early stages of breast growth. Body and facial hair, has thinned out quite a bit, and grows quite a bit slower.
I'm also still losing quite a bit of muscle and currently weigh about 150lb-155lb at 5'10", and the vast majority of what was lost was muscle. I'm hoping to keep on losing weight and get down to 140ish, which is typically about a healthy body weight for cis-gendered females at my height. From what I've heard is incredibly difficult to lose weight while on HRT, but well see. With the exception of the whole male-bodied thing I'm pretty good at making my body do what I want, and have put on muscle, lost muscle, put on weight and lost weight before.
Also it might be psychosomatic but I feel like my face looks a bit "softer"? I'm not sure how to describe it.
Anyway
Here is a quick webcam photo I took.
I think that it will probably be very interesting to see this photo in a year or two, if other internet transition timelines are anything to go by.
More updates later
Great to read... If you could add the blogger widget to "follow by email", I would love to find out when you post.
ReplyDeleteKeep posting, and best of luck :)
Thanks!
ReplyDeleteIt's interesting you made a comment about television. When I realized I'm trans for sure, I told my therapist that I literally woke up one morning and my whole life made sense. It felt like someone took windex to the tv and I could finally see bright colors.
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing... I'm about to start taking hormones... DIY until I find an informed consent program..
ReplyDeleteWendy