So initial impressions?
Female hormones are awesome.
For physical changes, bear in mind I was on spironolactone (testosterone blockers) for about 2 months before I started.
So then, gory details, which may, or may not end up being more information than you bargained for.
When I went in to the endocrinologist to start full hrt I already had the beginning of breast buds, these hard little nasty things under the nipple that are the beginning of breast development. In this first month, they've gotten quite a bit bigger and a hell of a lot more sensitive. And I still haven't quite adjusted to them.
For example I'll open up a door and slightly swipe them with it. And goddamn it hurts. I mean holy shit. It's not quite as bad as being kicked in the dangly bits, but it still hurts like a motherfucker.
They also poke through shirts in a weird, really unattractive way. Layers are a positive. Let me just say I'm pretty glad it's winter. It's just weird because there's no actual breast development happening, although I know that's on the way.
My skin also feels much softer than it did a month ago. Especially on my face. I still haven't gotten facial hair removal (next on my list of things to do transition wise, and laser will probably happen sometime in January), but it has thinned out significantly. Which is strange because most trans* resources say that hormones don't affect facial hair growth.
Body Hair is definitely thinning though, which is fantastic because it means I don't have to shave my legs daily, which is a near impossible task.
And while I don't have any way to measure this objectively, I feel like my sense of smell is improving. That is probably more likely due quitting smoking than from hormones though. (I quit about the same time that I started HRT)
I also have a little tape measure and have been keeping measurements of myself, because I know the human mind likes to make up evidence where there isn't any. The only real changes in so far as measurements go in the past month is that I've lost a bit off my waist, which is probably more due to diet than anything else.
Mental Changes have been much crazier in this first month than physical. I go into detail about them on my Week Three Update.
Basically I'm just a lot more emotional about everything.
One weird thing is that I think I need to relearn how to handle stress. I was always pretty cool-headed before being on hormones but that's changed quite a bit. Maybe it's because I'm more involved and invested emotionally in the world around me, but for example my house started flooding today because the temperature-pressure valve on my hot water tank was broken.
I didn't know this at the time.
I just saw water pouring out of it like a faucet and flipped shit. I had no idea what I was doing and was worried this was going to cost me a metric shitton of money (which it shouldn't, thank eight-pound, six ounce, baby Jesus), and by the time I figured out that hey, I should just shut off the water valve, and by the end of it, I was shaking. So yeah, I need to figure out a way to deal with stress in a manner that doesn't involve breaking down.
Scary movies are also immensely more entertaining. I freaked the fuck out watching "The Descent". Which was sort of fun. But also terrifying. I really don't like things popping out at me, more-so now than ever. But it's like riding a rollercoaster.
And I'm also getting bad cravings, for chocolate mostly (stereotypical, I know) but also for strange things, like for example I was really craving some jalapeno cheetos earlier today.
I feel a lot more childish, and care-free as well if that makes sense. I'm smiling a lot more. I'm quite a bit more expressive. My body language has changed pretty significantly. This is probably more of me being comfortable with myself than an actual effect of hormones though. It's a wonder what self-acceptance can do for you.
The biggest emotional change though, is that I dysphoric a lot less frequently than I did before I was on hormones, which is really awesome.
I definitely react stronger to dysphoria when I do though, and it tends to hit me a lot quicker.
For example I was having a great day earlier this week. I had moments where I looked at my reflection and thought "Fuck yeah, this is coming along nicely". And then I got home, saw my reflection out of the corner of my eye, and spent the next half-hour crying into a pillow and then another good long time talking to my lovely lady-friend who helped me through everything. But yeah crazy mood swings.
All I can say is that it's really awesome having people you know you can talk to. Anyway, this post was mostly just rambling, but here's a picture of me drunk off my ass at a Christmas party earlier this week, so you can sort of see how I'm changing. (And this one has make-up, which is always exciting)
(I'm on the right, with one of my best friends on the left, and coincidentally this is my first explicitly female presenting picture on facebook and it's also my profile picture, which is kind of awesome.)
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