Week Three Update

So this is pretty late, but I have a legitimate excuse! My power has been out for two days for circumstances beyond my control. And I've been working. So sorry.

Onto transition stuff.

I really don't have much in the way of new physical changes to report.

My chest still hurts like hell, body hair still seems like it's thinning out and my skin seems softer. Nothing different from last week.

More and more I can't wait until I get laser. I really hate my facial hair, I have shaving, I hate it being prickly. It makes me self-conscious even though I rarely, if ever, actually attempt to present as explicitly female in public right now.

Not a good situation.  Do not want.

Facial hair on actual dudes can be pretty sexy, but not on me. I just want it off.

(Example 1, although it definitely doesn't hurt that he has super pretty eyes)

And that same policy extends towards muscles,

(With exceptions. Goddamn, the things I would do.)

But the whole facial hair situation should be fixable with laser, and subsequently electrolysis, once I get my refund check for winter quarter (Hurray for student loans).

So yeah, not much in the way of physical changes to report at the moment.

My emotions, on the other hand, are doing crazy things right now.

I hate that it sounds so stereotypical, but I'm crying to things that I wouldn't have ever batted an eye at 3 weeks ago.

Prior to starting hormones I cried maybe, three or four times over the course of the last 4 years. I didn't get involved in anything emotionally, with the exception of a few fights I've had.

I didn't give a fuck.

And not in a cool, "yeah I was a badass who walked away from explosions without looking back at them" way. It was much more of an "I was an emotional cripple way"

FOR EXAMPLE

When my dog, Sam, that I had raised from a puppy and loved with all my heart, died, I didn't cry. Didn't even acknowledge it. Basically, I was an emotionless asshole.

(Oh Sam, stock photos do not do you justice, even if they do look exactly like you. You were the greatest thing ever.)

But now? Jesus-Goat-Fucking-Christ. 

I can't help but tear up when I happen across a sad song. My emotions simply respond to everything.

Sappy shit? Nostalgic shit? Adorable shit?

That's my jam right now. I am eating it up.

Fuck.

I cried while re-watching Lord of the Rings because it was suddenly obvious that Frodo and Sam are actually madly in love with one another, and have the most adorable perfect romance ever.

(Try and tell me they don't make the most adorable couple)

So yeah, that's the upside  of all this emotional stuff.

It swings both ways though. I'm reacting to real life in ways that I never would have before.

It probably doesn't help that I spent a solid portion of Tuesday afternoon, and most of Wednesday night arguing with my parents about trans* stuff, especially me transitioning. (And apparently they read this blog now, which kind of terrifies me)

But when my mom says something about how she's worried that I'm "going to be a mockery of women" that means me immediately on the verge of tears, instead of just being able to brush it off as bullshit.

Which doesn't really help me argue my case a whole lot.

So yeah. The emotional roller coaster that I've heard and read so much about is currently leaving the station. Please keep all hands and feet inside at all times. Have a fun ride.


As far as awesome things happening in my life right now that are only nominally trans* related, I've got a seasonal job as one of those people that stands outside of malls for the Salvation Army as a bell ringer, through a friend of my mom.

This is sort of weird for me, considering that the Salvation Army is super religious and super homo/trans*-phobic.

But, being a poor college student trying to finance transition, I don't have much in the way of options here, so I'm just gonna swallow my pride, take off my nail-polish, wear a nice conservative button-down, and stand in the cold for a few hours a day.

At least it's nice to know that I'm gonna be financially stable until my loans come through.

Anyway, my next HRT update will mean I've officially been on hormones for one month. Which is super awesome. Go me.