A little post.

So sometimes I really need bitch.

Okay. Let's be honest. I bitch about things ALOT.

(I can't help myself. It gets me everytime)

But sometimes its nice to look at the positives.

And my life is super awesome right now.

I'm on hormones and transitioning to who I want to be. Changes are becoming apparent. I get to dress up the way I want to.

I have a great group of friends who I hang out with.

A community that accepts me.

A girlfriend who I'm madly crazy in love with, whose in love with me.

I'm in line to have a dream job for the next few years, and provided I get it I won't have to worry about money until I graduate. 

I'm going to school for something I love, taking classes I enjoy.

I live in a sweet house with great roommates.

I'm in a fucking band, making money, for making music. And loving every minute.

Life is fucking awesome.

When I first came out, and the months after, while still at military school, and a lot of the summer afterwards I was in a really terrible place. I didn't' think things would improve.

I'd be pleased to see myself now.

I wish I could go back and tell me life's gonna be great, just hang in there.

Because I didn't have too much in the way of hope.

Because now life is fantastic.

That is all.

I fucking got it.

I received the best email while in not necessarily in the best state of mind this Friday. After rereading it a few times and then making my girlfriend read it to make sure I was reading it right I flipped my shit.

Here's the email.

Subject: Congratulations-RA Process-Continue on to take class

Dear [old name]:

I am writing on behalf of the Paraprofessional Selection Team of the Department of Residential Housing.  After reviewing the feedback by those who you interviewed with, I am happy to extend to you an invitation to enroll in EDCP 400. Enrollment in EDCP 400 is required for all RA candidates who wish to be considered for an RA position. The class is taught by current Residential Housing staff and provides training for RA candidates.   

As the next step in your candidacy, you must register for one of the sections of EDCP 400 that is designated “For Students in the RA Training Program.”  When those class sections are available for registration you will receive another email with instructions on the registration process.  

Basically I got the RA job. Almost.

I need to do this class. And qualifying for being the resident adviser for gender neutral housing is going to be a competition, but the interview part was definitely going to be hardest part of the selections process.

So yeah. Provided I don't royally fuck up this next quarter then I should be set for the next few years as far as education is concerned.

I just need to figure out what I'm going to do with my cat J'zargo (He's most likely going to be taken by my girlfriend, or I'll leave him for my roommate to have, if he wants him.)

This weekend was fucking ridiculously awesome though.

Friday night was spent playing a gig which went really well, and then with friends, hanging out at the house. I got the gf a hookah for her birthday, which she seemed to really enjoy. And then we headed to her aunts house (who is really cool) to celebrate her 21st birthday.

Awkwardness ensured when we went to her conservatives grandparents house though. (Who pretty much raised her, and don't know she is actually really really gay, and dating my trans* ass.) 

It didn't help that I was wearing her dinosaur hoodie the whole time. (This thing is comfy and badass and purple all at the same time) 

Or that one of my friends not so subtly mentioned queer prom in the car with her grandfather.

But there weren't any real crises, and her grandparents are still relatively in the dark, so the trip ended positively.

Winning.

I can piss in peace now.

So my first class of the day this quarter is Biology. Every weekday morning at 9 am.

After that class I have a circuits class in another building a good 5-8 minute walk away.

The span in between when one class ends and the next one begins is 10 minutes. No problem right?

Well actually problem.

I have the bladder of a 12 year old.

Combine that with the fact that spironolactone is a diuretic (Makes you pee more) and the fact that I usually drink either a monster of a giant fucking cup of coffee during biology, we do have sort of a problem.

A big problem, especially considering that the only gender neutral bathroom is a detour in the opposite direction of where I need to be, so I'm consistently late to my circuits class by a good five to ten minute, which my teacher doesn't necessarily appreciate. Especially considering I'm one of about 11 people who are in the class.

I've tried using the guys bathroom in the engineering building where my circuits class is, but that is literally the most awkward experience, and probably not the safest. I don't pass or go in girl-mode to class 90% of the time so I can't really use the womens.


But I mean. I HAVE to pee every morning at 10 am. It's fucking clockwork. (Actually its for maintaining homeostasis of water and electrolytes, but still.)

But guess what?

I found a gender neutral bathroom RIGHT OUTSIDE MY BIOLOGY CLASS.

And it's clean. And it locks. And it's completely hidden.

I can pee in peace.

I swear finding new gender neutral bathrooms is like encountering a unicorn.

It's a rare and magical experience.

I don't understand why they don't put the gender neutral bathrooms in plain sight next to the other two bathrooms. Seems screwy to me, but whatevs.

So problem solved. Yay!

I hope you enjoyed this post about my pissing habits. Tune in next week.

Third Month of hormones

Woot, just got my third months worth of hormones.

Always a good feeling.

So I'm working to help start a transgender advocacy group on campus because there really isn't anywhere for us to go, aside from the local support group but that has limits on what it can lobby for out of the virtue of protecting people's confidentiality

Shits been busy and rocky, but we're slowly getting moving.

Who knew starting a group to advocate for the needs and desires of an entire section of a community would be hard?

I mean it will get off the ground. Or I'm gonna die trying. The big problem that I can see happening is that I push for a bunch of shit to happen and people get excited, but without anyone saying hey these things need done a lot of people will lose interest.

It's just a game of building momentum right now.

Anyway, these next two weeks should be fun.

I am fucking broke as shit. Like I'm gonna have about 10 dollars to my name after bills and other expenses until I get paid next in two weeks. I guess there's just going to be a lot of skyrim going on instead of going out.

(Where I basically just run around yelling FUCK YOU and catching butterflies)

It's not too bad, I have food, and my bills will be paid. But nothing extra is happening. I need it to be next quarter so I can get my student loans and be able to have money once again. It'd be nice.

In other news in my life. I'm not sure if I've mentioned this, but I'm the baritone ukulele player of a three person ukulele band in Athens Ohio, so if you're ever around you should check us out. We're called Much Much More and we're sort of a big deal. Here's our band page. On facebook. Like us and all of your hopes and dreams will come true. http://www.facebook.com/pages/Much-Much-More/337188362981870

ALSO

I'm really fucking ridiculously super excited because my girlfriend asked me out to queer prom a while back and it's happening the weekend after next! She's letting me borrow this beautiful black dress from her high school prom and she's gonna wear a girly suit and we're going to be adorable and gay and pretty and asdfl;khasdfkjasd

I'm just really excited.

Post Anarchy / The interview

So this one post every two weeks thing is dumb.

So is once a week.

The thing is, my life doesn't happen in nice manageable chunks like that. So I'm just gonna update whenever.

Fuck the man.

(Shamelessly stolen from this chick I know's tumblr, also foxes are adorable)

Anyway.

So here's the thing that's been dominating my thoughts the past few days.

Job Interview.

Here's the deal.

I'm fucking poor.

I go to school full time, which thankfully is covered by my Dad working for the university. But as far as paying for bills rent, and food I'm on my own, and I'm getting loans out the ass for that. But loans aren't much. They cover my rent, and some transition cost, which are important things. Food and utilities are covered by my ten hour a week minimum wage job, which is actually only a five hour a week minimum wage job because my house got cut. I don't have much money left over.

And to be honest I don't much care for being fucking poor.

But here's the thing. Resident Assistants get a pretty much free dorm room, as well as a grand a semester. What's more is that there's special populations, like international students, or substance free, or in my case, gender neutral housing, which is pretty much designed for trans* people.  The job description fits me pretty damn well.

This sounds like a awesome job that I could do, and do well.

And I wouldn't be as poor. I'd have much more money that I could spend on transitioning, and buying pretty things. (Although I hate to sound stereotypical I would love some bitching shoes. Which are expensive, especially for a size 13 womens.)

So I'd get an extra two grand a year, and the 3.5 grand I'm already getting in student loans would be mine to keep. While I would be making payments on various bullshit (Phone bill from at&t that I got with army money, I'm looking at you), as well as paying back my parents for various stuff, I'd be able to keep a pretty hefty sum of that and possibly even begin saving up for some surgeries.

So basically I could be financially secure, and afford nice things until I graduate and then I'll have a pretty engineering degree which will see me through having a job and being financially secure after graduation. (Thank the flying spaghetti monster the field I'm in love with actually has job prospects, unlike say, english, or theatre).

So yeah this would basically be a dream job for the next two years. So I sent in an application with some recommendations.

And I applied as a girl. (sort of)

I had to put my legal name and everything, but I put my preferred name next to it, and put female as the gender marker (Hey, they asked for gender).  I made it pretty explicitly clear that I am trans* in the application too, which should be okay, since gender identity is on my university's non-discrimination policy. (Which, as most people should know doesn't mean discrimination doesn't actually happen)

And surprisingly/awesomely enough, I got an interview.

Fuck yes.

Now in the past, I've interviewed pretty well. I've never gone into an interview and not gotten a job, although I've only done like 3. I'm pretty well-spoken if I do say so myself. (Although it doesn't hurt that I'm a better bullshitter, for the most part.)

But this is different. I was always really good at going in, and being the stereotypical all-american boy with a strong handshake and abusing the fuck out of my privilege to earn a job. This is how I got my prestigious four-year paid army scholarship (in addition to being decent at standardized like the ACT which I got a 31 or 32  on.)

I couldn't necessarily do that for this interview.

I know I'm definitely going to be full time presenting female by next school year regardless of whether or not I get this job, because at the rate I'm going my body on hormones won't let me do anything else (As well as the incredible mental relief that will bring). So I'd much rather be presenting female from the get go. Which is what I did.

Can I just say that I was nervous as fuck going into that interview?

The day before it really hit me that this was the route I chose, and I needed to figure out a semi-formal outfit to go into the interview. I was wigging the fuck out running around my room desperately trying to figure out what to wea, should I wear a sports bra and look like I don't actually have any boobs (sports bras are ridiculously comfy and at the moment make my chest still appear relatively flat), or should I wear a real big-girl bra, which will make it very obvious? Should I wear eyeliner? How about mascara? Shit I still have redness from laser the other day (Still hurt like hell) Is cover-up going to take care of that.

I was a fucking mess.

So I got my shit together, whined to my girlfriend for a little while via text (She's away at MBLGTACC a big LGBT conference in Iowa this weekend.) and figured everything out. Still nervous though. I half suspected walking in and them just being like "Why does this dude have eyeliner on and boobs?"

So interview came around, I walked in told them I was Nat (last name) (I usually go by Nat instead of Natalie in day to day, because it's shorter and won't immediately out me if I don't want to be outed) and did the interview.

And I think it went pretty well. I answered questions pretty decently, and explicitly mentioned I was trans* a few times, in regards to diversity and creating safe spaces, and the two interviewers were really nice.

But I don't find out for another week or two if I made it to the next round of the application process (A one quarter long class, which I'm pretty sure I will rock the shit out of)

So yeah. We'll see. It sounds almost too good, so something will get fucked up and it won't work out knowing my luck.

Here's a picture of me in my room after my interview.

(I really should figure out a way to take pictures on something other than my webcam.)

On an unrelated note I'm thinking about dying my hair the blackish/blue it was before it faded away. Right now it's pretty much my natural color, which is boring, but I don't really have any money to burn on hair dye right now either.

More updates when I feel like it (Hopefully shorter ones)